Interval Diary - By the Unfortunate - Part 1

I am the one, the one the unfortunate.

This is my diary.

My story.

24th September 2018...

There are times when I feel like I am being immersed in a pool of darkness. People walk by, living their happy, normal lives, not noticing the black hole that consumes me. It's like my world is falling apart around me, and I am running out of building blocks to patch the holes up. And everyday, the pool of darkness grows, filled with my tears of sorrow. In the murky liquid, my screams of hatred emerge as bubbles, but barely surfacing. 

They cannot be shown. I cannot break down. I need to keep the fake smile on my face. Nobody can know. Nobody will know. I am the master of this fake act. I have learned to do it so it convinces everybody... Even myself. This fake life is like a drug - I long for it, I crave it, I need it. But I can never get enough. I feel happy- so happy! Until the effect wears off, and the harsh reality hits me in the face again when my eyes empty their contents, when tears wet the paper in front of me, when my pen falls from my hand, thudding heavily on the the floor, when I tell my tutor that the smudging of my ink was caused by water spilling on my book.

Fake. All fake. I have built a wall around myself to protect my fragile soul. The kind which has been shattered into a billion tiny shards of diamond - precious, but useless.