25 AMAZING JOKES TO LIGHTEN UP YOUR DAY!!!

By -
Hi, Dear Haters!
I couldn't help but notice that AWESOME ends with ME and UGLY stars with U.

Have fun playing jokes on your friends, make them laugh!

JOKES:

Q - Why is the sky so high?
A - So birds don't bump their heads!

Q - Why do bee's hum?
A - Because they forgotten their words!

Q - Is it true that you can speak cat language?
A - Me - How?

Q - What is the most valuable fish?
A - The Goldfish!

Q - Where do dolphin's learn?
A - In school's of course!

Q - Where do fish sleep?
A - On the sea bed!

Q - What's the worst part of being a millipede?
A - Washing your hands before tea!

Q - Where do duck's keep their savings?
A - In river banks!

Q - How can you tell the difference between an African elephant and an Indian elephant?
A - Look at their passports!

Q - Why are teddy bears never hungry?
A - Because they are always stuffed!


Police: Where do you live?
Me: With my parents.
Police: Where do your parents live?
Me: With me.
Police: Where do you all live?
Me: Together.
Police: Where is your house?
Me: Next to my neighbour's house.
Police: Where is your neighbour's house?
Me: You won't believe me if i tell you.
Police: Tell me!
Me: Next to my house.


Today i texted:
"Hey, i lost my phone, will you call it?"
12 people called me.
I need smarter friends.


Hardest thing ever:
Controlling your laughter
at serious times


Knock knock...
Who's there?
Cows go
Cows go who?
No, cows go moo,
Owls go who.


Knock knock...
Who's there?
Tank!
Tank who?
You are welcome!


Knock, Knock...
Who's there?
Kipper
Kipper who?
Kipper your mouth shut, I don't want anyone to know i am here!


Knock, Knock...
Who's there?
Plaice...
Plaice who?
Plaice let me in, i am wet through!


This is how my week goes:
Moooooooonday
Tuuuuuuuuesday
Weeeeeeednesday
Thuuuuuuuursday
Friday, Saturday, Sunday

Mooooooooonday...
Tuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuesday.......................
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeednesday...........................
Thuuuuuuuuuuursday............................
Friday, Saturday, Sunday


Whenever you trip you go like...

I DID NOT TRIP.
The floor looked sad so i thought it needed a hug.


I have officially just stepped on a cornflake.
I am now a cereal killer.


That moment when you spell a word so wrong
that even auto correct is like...
"I've got nothing man"


They say we learn from our mistakes...
That's why i'm making as many as possible


10 FUN FACTS

1) You can't wash your eyes with soap
2) You can't count your hair
3) You can't breathe through your nose, with your tongue out
4) You just tried no.3
6) When you did no.3 you realised it was possible, only you looked like a dog
7) You are smiling right now because you were fooled
8) You skipped no.5
9) You just checked to see if there's a no.5
10) GOOD JOB!


CHALLENGE:

Only a genius can say this four words,
four times really fast without
getting tongue twisted:

EYE, YAM, STEW, PEED.


Note: The first note up above was a very weird and mean joke. Please don't be offended.

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