The Tale Of Mr Cow (Real Version)

In this blog, I did make an earlier post about a cow named Mr Cow, and that clearly doesn't make sense, because cows are girls...


This is the real version of the story:

Once upon a time, there was a cow named Mr Cow.  She lived in a field with a bunch of other black and white cows.

One day, she got bored of eating the plain, tasteless grass that was in the field so she decided to leave the field to eat better grass.

On her way, she bumped into a troll.  The troll said: Nobody can cross.
(I bet right now everyone is thinking that this is plagiarized from the three billy goats, but it's not)

Mr Cow was pleading the troll to give permission for her to pass him.

Suddenly, the troll pounced on Mr Cow.  Mr Cow panicked and headbutted the troll.
(I decided to put that in the story because once I was headbutted by a cow)

The troll turned into an enchantress.
(See?  Another fairy tale.  Beauty and the Beast)

The enchantress cursed Mr Cow for two reasons.
1). Mr Cow had headbutted the enchantress
2). Mr Cow was a girl with a masculine name

The enchantress' curse turned Mr Cow into a dragon.

Mr Cow then flew back to her field,  because she was feeling lonely, completely unaware that she was a dragon.

She jumped into the field, and instantaneously noticed that she dwarfed the other cows.

The farmer spotted her out of the window, and picked up his brand-new iPad, of which he had just installed Skype, and Skyped the palace guards to come and kill the dragon.

Mr Cow overheard this, then saw her reflection in the drinking trough.  She was a dragon!!!!
(So many exclamation marks)

So she flew away and started terrorising the city.  The King was a snivelling wuss who spent all his time worrying that someone would assassinate him.  So he hid in the dungeon when the dragon arrived.

Many soldiers and knights attempted to kill Mr Cow, but they all were killed to her fiery breath.

There was this brave knight, who saw the expression of sadness on Mr Cow's face.  He comforted Mr Cow, and begged her not to kill him.

"What's wrong?" he asked her.

She said: "I just wanted some strawberries..."


So the brave knight took Mr Cow to the city's largest building, The Great Hall.  The Great Hall was amazing.  It could predict the weather and show the weather on the ceiling.

(Totally not copying from Harry Potter)

Inside The Great Hall was a magnificent feast laid out for a noble getting married to a young woman named Mercedes.  (Obviously not The Count Of Monte Cristo)

However, the noble and his bride-to be were hiding in the cellars of their houses.

Mr Cow and the knight ate all the food in The Great Hall.

Then, this old mad man, who actually knew a little bit of magic, came into the Great Hall.

The old man beckoned towards Mr Cow.  He said: "Do you want to be an invincible dragon?  I will feed you all my strawberries..."

"YAY! That sounds great!  Thank you, Mr."  replied Mr Cow.

(Now remember, after all this time, Mr Cow is actually a girl.)

So, the old man took Mr Cow to his house.  He performed magic, but although Mr Cow didn't realise it, she was a cow again.  The old man took Mr Cow to his paddock, where Mr Cow lived happily for the next few months.

Unfortunately for Mr Cow, he was turned into fillet beef for the old man's Christmas dinner.



THE END